Jew know.

commercially known as Juno, a "hip" young energetic film about a 16 year old girl who gets herself in a rut by getting pregnant, and just when you think 'hmm she might keep the baby' BAM surprise ending, she doesn't give 2 shits about it.

there ya go i ruined it for all of you. pfft. but hey it was worth the Rc cinemas gift certs.


i've been thinking.
i realized that my only goal in life is to be something that i'm not.
i dont mean a dude.
i mean a super famous, talented at birth, celebrity.
i dont even know what kind-- i mean i guess i could act... i dunno, never thought about it-- i dont even know if i can.
i could "model" but not like fashion... i'm too damn sexy and hot to model because i'm not a pez dispenser with a bitch head on it.
what else is there?
god knows i cant sing for shit, so musicals are out of the question...

writing requires work, like this blog, and anything under like 10 pages is good for me, but toss me an outline for a novel or some shit and i'll toss it back at your face.

no, vin-e i wont be a whore...

hmm *lightbulb*
(yes that was a real lightbulb... total idea popage into headage!)
you know how they say dont look for love, it'll find you? (even though i'm exempt since i can make anyone love me...) well i probably shouldn't look for my break, it'll just find me.

in case-- this blog was pointless... but entertaining to some probably so clicking 'publish post' isn't a total waste of my time.

oh, but one more for the road...

Dude! ... sweet.

Going Metric

For those who thought the hardest part of going metric was the constant conversion from MKS or CGS units to English units, here are some useful English system conversions:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
1000 aches: 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
365.25 days: 1 unicycle
2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it....)
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
10 rations: 1 decoration
100 rations: 1 C-ration
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms

Intelexiful

Vinny-- shut it. It's my word and I'm sticking to it.

But whatever, anyway i just wanted to write a list like uh... thing about all the shit i accomplished today.

- i mopped the floor 3 times over. i could say that you would be able to eat off of it, but that would be a lie-- as the second the swiffer mop went back in the closet the floor was covered in phantom dirt. well i mean you COULD eat off it but i wouldn't really recommend it

- i used roy's kirby turbo vacuum from the 1950's to vacuum my stairs, as three of us could not figure out how to get the damn hose attachment on my vacuum to suck anything.

- i installed the pur water filter on my kitchen sink without flooding the state. and just for future reference... turn off the faucet before turning off the filter, or you will inadvertently cause yourself to have to re-mop the kitchen floor.

- i managed to spray every soft surface in the house with febreze fabric refresher-- and boy howdy do those commercials tell the truth, as to test the smell of my bed, i quickly laid down to take a wiff and woke up 3 hours later with a nice fresh scent still lingering in my nostrils.

- finally i swept the shit out of all my rugs, bringing them outside first of course. and then after i ended up sweeping half the damn parking lot just to get the dirt far away enough so that the wind couldnt sneak attack my freshly mopped floors. of course, i failed, hence me having to mop 3 times. (ahh, see i knew you were wondering why i did that!)

well on a different note, i almost dyed my hair dark as night, not unlike marisa's new do, but thanks to vinny's voice in my head, i put the box back on the shelf in publix. damn you francica...

It must be a sign or something...

This may seem kind of dumb or childish... or both... but there is a penny, face-down on my bathroom floor. it's been there for like 3 whole days and i refuse to pick it up because i swear to god that it did not land there from any of my pockets.

idk it's weird. it's just laying there in the middle of a tile surrounded by random stray hairs and a pair of dirty jeans that dont even have pockets.

whatever.

im trying to be all creative and junk but its just not working anymore. fuck grammar and punctuation... it's a waste of my time. as is this blog because i think a total of 2 people read it anyways. (counting myself) agh it's so frustrating!!

my quest for fame is coming up short... but im not giving up. everyone in the world is trying to be rich and famous, so why should i think that i have any more of a chance than roy, my next door neighbor? i really dont-- he's got a cooler job anyways. i think i'd be a good tour guide... if it was somewhere cool, ya know?

"Welcome to big moe's house of porno's! On the left you'll see our bdsm/bondage section. And here's the line for the latex lovers demonstration room."

I'd be totally kick ass at something like that. If they had a job for elevator attendants, anywhere around here-- sign me up. I'd make the announcements as im standing there on the elevator. "Seventh floor: maternity, misses, and house ware appliance returns. *pause* Mind the gap."

but then again i guess life wouldnt be life if there were people whose job it was to invent a job to fit every person. BUT it would be pretty sweet.

my land lord is a puss

there was a bug flying around in my kitchen, i ducked and big burly tom the landlord guy screamed like a fucking fairy.

wow do i feel safe living here--.

anyways vinny-- idk if the 5k is such a good idea because i swear i had a mild heart attack about an hour ago, and i came |--| <-- that close to calling 911. dude. i need a reboot.

anyways look at what i found!! (you're totally in that picture)

fuhqt 101

its a new class in the life of lauren.


alright so i sat down with the only person i felt comfortable discussing my physical state (well-- my body anyways) with... chris. yeah i know, shut up and deal with it.

i should have known better as all i got out of it was a lecture about how i have to make the changes, and that diet is the first place. but see i cant do 6 meals a day of steamed broccoli and grilled chicken. nuh-uh, not for me buddy.

then i got the whole "who cares if you dont feel good on a run-- fight through it, it's what i would do!"

bull fuckin shit dude.
you wouldnt die.
ugh.
eurtyklrueystklen6klies4u683il6. 4iu5l84

but anyways i gave in, and i wrote out a planned diet that i'm going to start in a week, once i get paid again, so i can afford food. idk why i even bother talking to some people. i mean yeah i still feel really strongly towards chris, i cant help that, but i knew i was walking into a lecture that i had heard 70 times before. (well-- every time i said i felt like i was getting fat.)

i just wanna get back into my state/section champ shape.
god i was hot.
and i still am...
but uh-- in a different way lol.

yeah number one!

well everyone else is doing it!
(thats my excuse for adding this blog to the list...)
hopefully it wont be another one of those unfinished, ignorable ones.
sorry xanga-- i tried.

Anywho, since my new years resolution was to lose a bunch-o-weight i decided i'd document it here so i can't get away with the whole 'you dont have any proof that i said that' thing.

I'm not gonna say how much weight i claimed i'd lose because some would say i'm nuts. but hey... i already know so fuck you. -- sorry. I noticed i tend to type as if im actually speaking the words. which is weird because no one is there. well hell big brother might be watching but thats a whole different problem, as i'd probably be more formal with him than i would anyone just casually reading this pathetic attempt at bloggage.

damn. what happened to my english skills? i think that every time i eat a cookie i lose a bit of information about the english language. which is why i say things like 'nutzo' and 'bloggage.'

but anyway, i'm just wrapping this up so i can take the time to think about my next post, and to end it i will say this--

i challenge the whole francica family to race me in a 5k and anyone that beats me gets a million dollars.

--so vinny... how's that for confidence?